On Your Own

 I thought of you again today.

You always were a "tinkerer", completing small projects around the house as I grew up. Unfortunately, I was never curious enough to ask questions nor really wanted to learn how to do the jobs you always could master right before my eyes. I was just the extra pair of hands and some extra muscle.

I remember that fence we built together once. You showed me how to plan out every detail from A-Z. Digging the holes, setting the posts, pouring the cement, leveling the bracing, and finally hammering on the fence pickets.

Well, lately, our fence has needed pickets replaced badly due to weather damage and...well, dogs, and it is up to me to fix it. Admittedly, with some help from an expert on YouTube, I have started to "find my rhythm" and have replaced numerous fence pickets around our house. Even though it feels good to work with my hands and make necessary repairs, as I sit back and "admire my work", it will never be truly satisfying, knowing that you are not there to put your arm around my shoulder and show your fatherly approval.

I don't mean to sound selfish, Dad, nor do I want to ever sound like I am bragging. I just try my best, and I miss your words that assure me of a small or big job upon completion to be "well done". 

You also always loved "The Andy Griffith Show". It usually is playing in the background of the house as background noise as we go about either finishing chores, grading papers, or just relaxing in the house. There is that episode about Gomer Pyle joining the Marines (yes, the catalyst to the series, Gomer Pyle, USMC), and Gomer tells Andy something that tugs on my heart more than usual since you went to be with Jesus:

"Me and my Paw were sitting outside during the evening in the summertime...it was too hot to sleep. Paw says to me, 'Son, someday when you are grown, they are gonna test you to see how much of a man ya are, and you are gonna have to make it on your own, 'cause I ain't gonna be around to help you.'"

In the last 3 years since you left and went home, I have been tested many times. Failed at some, and have done pretty good at others. And, these words ring true more than ever. 

Whether it's struggling with a career, misunderstanding the Bible, failing as a husband, or just not getting a fence picket aligned just right...I just hope you know that I still cherish you as my earthly  Father. 

Job well done, Daddy! Now, here I go again...making it on my own.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Just A Simple Piece of Duct Tape

Image
This story of Dad is not exactly “my” story. It is not even an “inside joke” that I am in on nor do I feel I am completely clear on. What I DO know is that this story consists of a catch phrase, written with love on a small piece of duct tape. …Mom had just gotten off the phone with one of Dad’s best friends in the workplace. The request was…odd to say the least. Yet, it was sincere, priceless, beautiful in a unique way, and from the heart. His friend had requested that we place a piece of duct tape in Dad’s shirt pocket as we laid him to rest, and on this piece of duct tape he requested the following phrase: “MS: Taking the High Road.” He had sent his sincerest apologies for not be able to make it to the viewing or funeral due to travel and all the restrictions weighing down on the world because of Covid-19. We had assured him that we would gladly accommodate him. There was only one small problem. There was no duct tape to be found anywhere in the house. Now, I had the choice ...
Read more

Songs in Daddy's Honor

Image
Tonight, I  simply want to share with readers the song s electi ons for Dad’s photo presentation during the  visitation. After choosing at least 50 photos from Dad’s life, the funeral home compiled a beautiful video tribute to him that my family will always cherish. The first selection was Sammy Fain’s famous song “I’ll Be Seeing You”, sang by the world-renowned Frank Sinatra. As the photos were displaying on the screen, these stunning yet disheartening lyrics filled the air… “ I'll be seeing you in all the old, familiar places that this heart of mine embraces…all day through. In that small café, the park across the way…” These words are very befitting as some of my most precious memories with Dad were walking along the jogging path that circles the small park facing Mom and Dad’s back porch. Our conversations on those walks hold a sacred place in my heart. Bette Midler’s “Wind Beneath My Wings” was the second selection. Most know the infamous lyric, “Did you ever know that yo...
Read more

The Visitation and Viewing

Image
The next several days in Canyon, Texas were a blur. Who knew what day was what? Who really cared? All we knew was the visitation for Dad would be on Sunday evening, and that the funeral would be Monday afternoon. To be honest, I know we visited Dad at the funeral home many times. The staff there had done a tremendous job. Dad looked so peaceful, lying there in his Texas A&M ball cap, his reading glasses, and his red button-up shirt. He looked like he was simply taking a well-deserved nap… ~ Sunday evening arrived. Family and friends came from all over the state, far and near to hug my Mother, Heather, and I, pay their respects, share a few tears, and give their love. It was painful and beautiful at the same time. Dad touched so many lives. I am forever grateful to all who either came or who understandably sent their love and remained socially distant because of COVID. Their presence was with us in spirit during our time of sorrow, for sure. Monday afternoon, we paid Dad’s...
Read more